Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU

April 15, 2018

CALLER: Hello, Is this Round Table Pizza? 

GOOGLE: No sir, it’s Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number.  Sorry.

 GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Round Table Pizza last month.

 CALLER: OK.  I would like to order a pizza.

 GOOGLE: Do you want your usual?

 CALLER: My usual? You know me?

 GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

 CALLER: OK! That’s what I want …

 GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

 CALLER: What? I detest vegetables!

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good.

 CALLER: How the hell do you know!

 GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records.  We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

 CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza!  I already take medication for my cholesterol.

 GOOGLE:  Excuse me, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

 CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore.

 GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

 CALLER: I paid in cash.

 GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

 CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

 GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

 CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!!!

 GOOGLE: I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

 CALLER: Enough already!  I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I’m going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

 GOOGLE: I understand, sir, but you need to renew your passport first.  It expired three months ago…

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MY NOMINATIONS FOR MTV AND EMMY MUSIC AWARDS

February 2, 2018

STAR   TRAILS   –   AMBER PLASTER

NASA IS FAKING EVERYTHING   (Lyrics here)

DON’T BELIEVE IN GRAVITY    (Lyrics here)

DO YOU STILL BELIEVE WE WENT TO THE MOON   (Lyrics here)

NO PHOTOGRAPHS OF THE EARTH   (Lyrics here)

WELCOME TO THE SATELLITE HOAX   (Lyrics here)

PUPPET SHOW   (Lyrics here)

 

V  I  N  T  A  G  E          T  I  M  E

 

THAT’S ALL A LIE, FOLKS

January 31, 2018

To all the wonderful global idiots out there, with much love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen, straight out of hell, let me introduce you to the SPACE BALLS REALITY SHOW….

 

THE   EARTH   IS   OF   THE   LORD,   AND   ALL   THE   REST !

EVEN ORWELL’S JAW HAS DROPPED

February 15, 2017

The Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Nayef bin Abdulaziz al-Saud, who is also Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Interior, received a medal from the CIA for his distinct intelligence-related counter-terrorism work and his contributions to ensure international peace and security.

More or less, it’s like some New York bankers awarding Lenin in 1923 for his distinct work and his contribution to ensure the protection of Russian Christians.

America is a joke, a mortal joke!

lol

December 15, 2016

November 16, 2016

WHO’S NEXT?

November 8, 2016

A MIRACLE

May 27, 2015

The obsessive compulsive liars who hijacked and nowadays rule the United Staes of America (and their European water carriers) have succeeded in making me a Blatter fan. I can assure you: it’s nothing short of a miracle!           (LINK)

“Some people are wanting the World Cup to be taken away from Russia but we will give one answer to this – we are involved in football and we will not allow politics to get in the way.” He continued: “If a few politicians are not particularly happy that we are hosting the World Cup in Russia, then I always tell them: ‘Well then, stay at home.’”

FALSIFICAZIONI SPERIMENTALI

February 1, 2014

“Abbiamo tutti sentito dire che un milione di scimmie che battono su un milione di macchine da scrivere alla fine riprodurranno l’intera opera di Shakespeare.

Ora, grazie a Internet, sappiamo che questo non è vero”

Robert Wilensky, professore di informatica dell’università di Berkeley

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

September 5, 2013

“Human anatomy and physiology textbooks are anti-gay too.”

Anonymous

4

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’

5

and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?